It's interesting how once your life changes for the worst, it's impossible to remember what your life was like before. Sure, I remember that I used to have no problem getting up for school in the morning and having the ability to do everyday, normal things. But it feels so distant, almost like some erratic dream I once had, or a faraway memory solely reliable on an ancient home video.
My life feels like a horrendous cycle of nothingness, as in a similar way to the movie "Groundhog Day". Every morning I wake up, surrendering to the perpetual arousing that one cannot control, very early in the day. I slowly get dressed and begin my quest to find the daily paper, which I habitually read every day with my breakfast. Funnily enough, it sometimes seems (and may possibly be fact) that mornings are the most painless time of the day. However, it is common that following breakfast, the uninvited cloud that one day interjected into my life without warning evolves into a darker shade of grey. And so begins the downhill spiral of my day; from useless thoughts to obnoxious quarrels.
I recently finished reading the book "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath, and although I didn't really enjoy the story I can clearly relate to how the main character, Esther, feels. Referring to the title of the book, I can strongly identify with Esther's feelings of being stuck in a bell jar with no way to escape, all the while having the luxury of oxygen gradually slipping through her fingers. Initially I was aware that there was a long way to drop, but I didn't realise that the ditch was this deep. The unnerving fact is that even though I feel I'm at a great depth, it appears I'm continuing to fall further.
I feel like I'm screaming for someone to hear me, but the sound is withheld within my chest. I feel like I'm running on a treadmill in a room with photographs on the walls, declaring all that I'm falling short of. All the while I'm clinging on to the final particles of energy I have left, with very little confidence. I feel like I'm falling... fast.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Monday, July 5, 2010
Attention Seeking Arguments
We love them, we hate them.. It's definitely a love-hate relationship, but I'm pretty certain that even though it feels like we argue with them all the time, we probably love them more than we supposedly 'hate' them. Even so.. they can annoy us way beyond our expectations.
I'll admit, even though I've had many "sibling-rivalry" experiences, I still haven't figured out how to remain calm and take no notice in what the other person is saying or doing. The one thing that absolutely ticks me off and that has inspired me to begin this blog today is when a sibling attempts (and succeeds.. but of course, you don't tell them that..) to annoy you, whether you've actually done something or not.
Now personally, I don't ever feel the need to frustrate or annoy anyone if they haven't initiated an argument or provoked me first. If they have, however, that's a different story. Anyway, I honestly don't see the reasons behind siblings (or anyone, for that matter) irritating someone out of pure boredom. Yes, maybe they do it for attention, but nevertheless, there's so many other things that I can think of to get attention. In fact, here's some useful options:
1. You could get together with some friends and make some silly videos and post them onto YouTube. You could possibly get a lot of views, and then have a million people watching you and telling you how "amazing" you are.
2. You could learn an instrument and then enter yourself into many different competitions, and when you invite people over you can show them the wonderful talent that you've developed.
3. You can buy a gorilla suit off E-Bay, practise your monkey sounds and walk around the block with a megaphone sharing with the whole neighbourhood your latest skill.
Okay frankly, I wouldn't advise to follow through with the last point. Although, the first two are only two of many different activities that you could do to receive positive attention from friends, family, and even people around the world. Notice that I said POSITIVE attention. I said this because triggering an argument is most certainly producing negative attention, and I'm sure many will agree with me when I say that it's definitely unwanted.
I'll admit, even though I've had many "sibling-rivalry" experiences, I still haven't figured out how to remain calm and take no notice in what the other person is saying or doing. The one thing that absolutely ticks me off and that has inspired me to begin this blog today is when a sibling attempts (and succeeds.. but of course, you don't tell them that..) to annoy you, whether you've actually done something or not.
Now personally, I don't ever feel the need to frustrate or annoy anyone if they haven't initiated an argument or provoked me first. If they have, however, that's a different story. Anyway, I honestly don't see the reasons behind siblings (or anyone, for that matter) irritating someone out of pure boredom. Yes, maybe they do it for attention, but nevertheless, there's so many other things that I can think of to get attention. In fact, here's some useful options:
1. You could get together with some friends and make some silly videos and post them onto YouTube. You could possibly get a lot of views, and then have a million people watching you and telling you how "amazing" you are.
2. You could learn an instrument and then enter yourself into many different competitions, and when you invite people over you can show them the wonderful talent that you've developed.
3. You can buy a gorilla suit off E-Bay, practise your monkey sounds and walk around the block with a megaphone sharing with the whole neighbourhood your latest skill.
Okay frankly, I wouldn't advise to follow through with the last point. Although, the first two are only two of many different activities that you could do to receive positive attention from friends, family, and even people around the world. Notice that I said POSITIVE attention. I said this because triggering an argument is most certainly producing negative attention, and I'm sure many will agree with me when I say that it's definitely unwanted.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Embaressing Moments
Ahh.. how we love the experiences of embaressing moments. I've had 2 in the past month, but the inspiration to post this blog is mainly from the latest embaressing moment that occured.
I was at youth with 6 other adolescents that also attend this gathering every 1st and 3rd Friday of the month. We were playing a game where the chairs are set up in a circle, and everyone is sitting down except for one person who stands in the middle of the circle and asks a question or makes a statement (for example, 'Your favourite colour is purple'). Anyone who agrees with that statement is to depart the chair that they are sitting on and find another one.
As I go to move to another chair as a declaration of my agreement with the statement, I sit down on the new chair and suddenly feel myself going backwards. I let out a pitiful, girly shriek, (which was probably more embaressing than the whole situation put together) and for the grand finale smashed my head onto the table that was situated behind my chair.
It wasn't too long ago that I had another embaressing moment. I even remember the date. It was June the 1st and all the year 8 students were in the city, learning about journalism and the printing of newspapers. Our first stop was the State Library and we all got off the bus and casually began walking to the entrance. I noticed that some members from another school were focusing on us. Maybe they were scrutinizing our uniforms. Anyway, I go to walk up the stairs towards the entrance, ironically thinking that I needed to be extremely poised because people my age from another school were watching. Instead, I slipped on the concrete and fell on my face. Pretty clutzly move. I mean, who slips on concrete? That's got to take some skill.
Luckily my hands were there to save my fall from being disasterous, but the bag I was carrying on my back was pretty heavy. Also, not many people saw, which wasn't a bad thing either. Although, I did hear some boys that were sitting on the steps where I fell laughing in hysterics.
I've learnt over the years that when you have an embaressing moment the best thing to do is laugh it off and think positively about it. In the long run no matter what you do to try and stop them from occuring, it's not going to guarantee that they won't happen. After all, no one's perfect. Plus later on it makes for a fairly amusing story to tell!
I was at youth with 6 other adolescents that also attend this gathering every 1st and 3rd Friday of the month. We were playing a game where the chairs are set up in a circle, and everyone is sitting down except for one person who stands in the middle of the circle and asks a question or makes a statement (for example, 'Your favourite colour is purple'). Anyone who agrees with that statement is to depart the chair that they are sitting on and find another one.
As I go to move to another chair as a declaration of my agreement with the statement, I sit down on the new chair and suddenly feel myself going backwards. I let out a pitiful, girly shriek, (which was probably more embaressing than the whole situation put together) and for the grand finale smashed my head onto the table that was situated behind my chair.
It wasn't too long ago that I had another embaressing moment. I even remember the date. It was June the 1st and all the year 8 students were in the city, learning about journalism and the printing of newspapers. Our first stop was the State Library and we all got off the bus and casually began walking to the entrance. I noticed that some members from another school were focusing on us. Maybe they were scrutinizing our uniforms. Anyway, I go to walk up the stairs towards the entrance, ironically thinking that I needed to be extremely poised because people my age from another school were watching. Instead, I slipped on the concrete and fell on my face. Pretty clutzly move. I mean, who slips on concrete? That's got to take some skill.
Luckily my hands were there to save my fall from being disasterous, but the bag I was carrying on my back was pretty heavy. Also, not many people saw, which wasn't a bad thing either. Although, I did hear some boys that were sitting on the steps where I fell laughing in hysterics.
I've learnt over the years that when you have an embaressing moment the best thing to do is laugh it off and think positively about it. In the long run no matter what you do to try and stop them from occuring, it's not going to guarantee that they won't happen. After all, no one's perfect. Plus later on it makes for a fairly amusing story to tell!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I take some things too seriously.
Maybe it's a teenage thing. Or maybe it's just a girl thing.
I've come to realise that after many awkward conversations I've had with others, I later seem to over analyse the scenario WAY too much. Personally, when I talk to some people that I may not know too well, or the conversation doesn't seem to be going too well, I get pretty nervous. Naturally, this causes me to stutter and stumble, which never really boosts your confidence. I don't know if this only happens to me, (I'm sure it doesn't!) but it happens quite frequently, and ends in embaressment on my part.
You'd think that after the situation, my little insecure brain would shrug it off and get over it, right? You thought wrong. It then believes that it needs to break down every single part of the conversation; what I said, what the other person said and how the other person reacted to have made me feel like an idiot in the first place. This whole process ends with me degrading myself and my self esteem levels being a little low. Not such a great feeling.
I have to admit though, lately when this has happened, I have been able to shrug it off, but that somewhat "guilty" feeling (I have no idea why it feels like guilt, but it still feels similar) is always there. But fortunately, being able to shrug it off shortens the discouraging experience.
Referring back to my title, I do take some things too seriously. However, as much as I try, some of these things I just can't control. Like the example of over analyzing. I guess that it will only be a matter of time, and as I get older and I develop my people skills, I will become more confident with making conversation and it will get less awkward. Plus, as I get older I'm sure I won't worry as much about what people think about me, and I won't have to stress out over a conversation that the other person probably won't even be thinking about in the following few hours of their day.
HaylieGrace.xo
I've come to realise that after many awkward conversations I've had with others, I later seem to over analyse the scenario WAY too much. Personally, when I talk to some people that I may not know too well, or the conversation doesn't seem to be going too well, I get pretty nervous. Naturally, this causes me to stutter and stumble, which never really boosts your confidence. I don't know if this only happens to me, (I'm sure it doesn't!) but it happens quite frequently, and ends in embaressment on my part.
You'd think that after the situation, my little insecure brain would shrug it off and get over it, right? You thought wrong. It then believes that it needs to break down every single part of the conversation; what I said, what the other person said and how the other person reacted to have made me feel like an idiot in the first place. This whole process ends with me degrading myself and my self esteem levels being a little low. Not such a great feeling.
I have to admit though, lately when this has happened, I have been able to shrug it off, but that somewhat "guilty" feeling (I have no idea why it feels like guilt, but it still feels similar) is always there. But fortunately, being able to shrug it off shortens the discouraging experience.
Referring back to my title, I do take some things too seriously. However, as much as I try, some of these things I just can't control. Like the example of over analyzing. I guess that it will only be a matter of time, and as I get older and I develop my people skills, I will become more confident with making conversation and it will get less awkward. Plus, as I get older I'm sure I won't worry as much about what people think about me, and I won't have to stress out over a conversation that the other person probably won't even be thinking about in the following few hours of their day.
HaylieGrace.xo
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Ahh.. long weekends.
As the end of the term approaches, motivation begins lacking and fatige starts kicking in.
Last week, which was a 4 day week thanks to the Queen's birthday and report writing day, was a very busy one, with all tasks and assignments due for the teachers to be able to mark them all today (which is Friday).
I was literally crawling to the finish line of last week towards well deserved weekend, which my peers and myself couldn't wait for due to different reasons. I couldn't wait because it would give me the opportunity to relax and do absolutely NOTHING. Some call this lazy, but I call this charging my batteries for the next week ahead. The boys in my class were greatly excited for the upcoming youth event, "State Youth Games", which is an event where lots of different youth groups get together and play a whole lot of games. I think I over heard that they camp out at the place, too.
So far today, as predicted, I have done nothing. It feels good just to sit on the couch watching TV after a very busy week. I have to admit though, I do feel slightly lazy. I told my Mum that when she arrived back home from work that we would go for a walk, but low and behold, it is now raining. Ehh.. oh well. Looks like my excercise for today will consist of dancing to music full blast in my room. I guess that's not too bad.
I don't have much planned for the rest of the day, except that I'm finally going to attend my friend, Sarah's youth. I've been wanting to get there for a while, but something has always blocked my path of getting there. So I'm really looking forward to that. It will be a good opportunity to fellowship and bask in the Word of God.
Until next time.. HaylieGrace.
Last week, which was a 4 day week thanks to the Queen's birthday and report writing day, was a very busy one, with all tasks and assignments due for the teachers to be able to mark them all today (which is Friday).
I was literally crawling to the finish line of last week towards well deserved weekend, which my peers and myself couldn't wait for due to different reasons. I couldn't wait because it would give me the opportunity to relax and do absolutely NOTHING. Some call this lazy, but I call this charging my batteries for the next week ahead. The boys in my class were greatly excited for the upcoming youth event, "State Youth Games", which is an event where lots of different youth groups get together and play a whole lot of games. I think I over heard that they camp out at the place, too.
So far today, as predicted, I have done nothing. It feels good just to sit on the couch watching TV after a very busy week. I have to admit though, I do feel slightly lazy. I told my Mum that when she arrived back home from work that we would go for a walk, but low and behold, it is now raining. Ehh.. oh well. Looks like my excercise for today will consist of dancing to music full blast in my room. I guess that's not too bad.
I don't have much planned for the rest of the day, except that I'm finally going to attend my friend, Sarah's youth. I've been wanting to get there for a while, but something has always blocked my path of getting there. So I'm really looking forward to that. It will be a good opportunity to fellowship and bask in the Word of God.
Until next time.. HaylieGrace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)